我已經想不起來過了多久。坐在吧台，會抽幾根菸，小說旁邊有一杯熱拿鐵（夏天的話就會是冰的），身旁的人可能是認識的也可能不是，但通常不會交談太多。玻璃門被推開時的嘎吱聲總令人側目，但始終不是你。坐在吧台可以看到窗外的所有風景。這附近有幾隻野貓，會在對面民宅的屋簷上頭翻滾、趴身，有時會散步到窗邊，和我相望幾秒鐘，然後，再回到屋簷上。窄小的溫州街太多車子和人群，無論什麼時間都是如此，我不喜歡（我想你一定也不喜歡），所以我關在這裡，聽著進入副歌前那鏗鏘作響的吉他刷弦。你不會來。

站到吧台裡頭之後看到的風景不一樣。我比較常和切．格瓦拉相望，比較需要開口和客人說話，比較少走到窗邊。然後時光流呀流，停留在腐朽記憶裡的人事物在腦袋外頭也不知道被沖到哪裡去了。我沒有多餘的記憶體去儲存每個季節的感傷，我必須開始記得上班的日子、記得所有menu上的價錢、記得每個熟客的習慣、記得三明治的最快速做法、記得哪幾天要資源回收、記得打出綿密奶泡的方式，但我仍記得要自己記得你，即使你早就忘了哪天跟我約在這裡喝一杯咖啡。

發生過的事情好像北方極冬裡的大雪，將整片森林覆蓋，我們連輪廓都無法描繪出來；等到你帶著救難隊，在下一個季節來這裡開挖這層記憶的凍土，我的奶泡卻還是打得不夠好。

Radiohead的專輯老早就不知道跑哪去了。

大片的窗戶上頭堆積了層層黃灰的菸污。木頭夾層地板已經下陷了好幾處。燈泡的亮度逐漸降低，大家都想搶有檯燈的座位。斷掉的電話線頭早就不構成困擾了。（啊，昨天上班的時候把掃把頭弄斷了。）吧台的桌面傷痕累累。王爾德和巴特的顏色越褪越淺，如果不理會，他們或許會約好在某天晚上一起離開。阿寬說東西用久了本來就會壞，反正結束那天想拿的人就拿走，留著也不知道幹嘛。

那麼，這段時間究竟過了多久？我竟然記不太起來；我們，到底有沒有一起來過呢？所有記憶都跟我的奶泡一樣不綿密，這實在有點好笑。

我恨透了今年溫州街燥熱的梅雨季，你一定也是吧。

編按：
挪威森林為溫州街上的老字號咖啡店，是文藝青年無論今昔都偏愛流連的所在，老闆阿寬決定於今年（2007年）六月結束挪威森林的經營。

Norwegian Woods

I’ve never dated with you here. Or we had once? Twice? I couldn’t remember. We shouldn’t count on our memories. Sometimes I couldn’t recall your face while I was waiting for the red light. Will you forgive me? Or, someone like me has already disappeared in your memory. Quietly. In the season of plum rains.

If there’s a heavy rain in the afternoon on WHENCHOU Street then it would a prefect timing for listening CREEP by RADIOHEAD. Did you know that?

I couldn’t tell how long it’s been. Sat beside the bar, having some cigarettes, a hot latte next to a novel. (It’s iced if it’s summer.) You might know people sat around you or not. Not much talks. The door creaked while someone entered but you would never be the one. Seats beside the bar had all the view outside the window. Sometimes there’s a few cats nearby, they tumbled, they lied on the roofs. Sometimes they took a walk to the window, watching me, then turned back to the roofs. There’s always crowded with cars and passengers on WHENCHOU Street, I don’t like it. (Neither do you, I guess.) So I was sitting here, listening to the guitar before the song went to the chorus. You wouldn’t come.

It’s a different view from standing behind the bar. CHE and I often stared at each other. I need to talk with customers. I seldom close to the window. Time flows. Things remained in the decayed memories had been washed away to nowhere. I had no spare mind to regret for every season. I had to notice which date I come to work, memorizing every price on the menu. I had to remember habits of people who come often, to remember the fast way to make sandwiches, to remember the way to make foamed milk on coffee. Above all, I still saved a space of my mind for you. I could still remember you, although you already forgot you should meet me here.

Things in the past like the serious snow in the winter of North, it covered all the woods, that no one could tell what it was like. When you come with the rescue team, digging this frozen earth of the memory the next season. My foamed milk wouldn’t be better.

I’ve lost my RADIOHEAD long time ago.

It collected thick dust of smoke on the window. There’s a few hole on the wooden floor. The lamp was darker. Everybody wants the seat with a lamp. It doesn’t matter if the wire stuck outside on the floor. (Oh, I broke the head of the broom yesterday at work.) There were scars all over the tables. Colors on the portraits of BARTHES and WILDE faded away. Maybe they’ll leave together one night if we ignore them. A-KUAN said that things broke after all. On the closing day, who wants them could take them away; he knows nothing else he can do with them.

So, how long did it take? Actually, I couldn’t remember: did we come here together or not? All these memories couldn’t be gripped like my foamed milk. It’s tricky.

I really hated the season of plum rains this year. It’s humid and hot walking on the street. And I guess you would have the same feeling like I did.

Editor’s note:
Norwegian Woods is an old but famous café on WHENCHOU Street, Taipei. From now to the past: artists, theatre directors, filmmakers, rockers and the youth all come here to talk about art, philosophy, music, literature and life. The owner A-KUAN decided to close the café in June 2007.

Q: Who is 馮內果?
A: 他自嘲是唯一從德勒斯登大轟炸獲利的人，平均每死一人賺四塊錢版稅。
馮內果(Kurt Vonnegut, 1922-2007)德裔美國小說家，生於印第安那波里市一個建築師的家庭，愛好文學藝術，但是在父親的堅持下，1940年就讀於康乃爾大學主攻化學。兩年後輟學，時正值第二次世界大戰期間，馮內果應召入伍，參加了步兵，1944年在歐洲作戰被德軍俘虜，囚禁在德勒斯登一所屠宰場的地下冷凍室裡，幾個月後，在聯軍空襲德勒斯登，德國平民死傷慘重，馮內果因躲藏在地下室而得救，親眼看見德勒斯登轟炸後整座城市化為廢墟，目擊了十三萬五千人葬身火海的慘劇。

Q: 他都寫些什麼類型的小說?
A: 連珠炮似的牢騷加自傳，像笑話大全加荒謬童話故事的綜合體。
它們混雜成不被倪匡科幻小說獎當作範例的科幻小說；
主角多半是倒楣的作家、路德主義者、反社會達爾聞主義者等，庸人自擾不大稱頭的人。
戰後他回到芝加哥大學就讀人類學系。1947年開始寫作，並成為職業作家。1969年將此經歷表現在《第五號屠宰場》以科幻虛構方式顯現20世紀文明的恐怖與反諷的悲觀諷刺小說聞名，並在完成《自動鋼琴》後，被貼上「科幻小說家」的標籤。

當時人們普遍感覺到困惑，為何科學技術的進步卻沒有造福人類，政治經濟實力有了大幅增長，精神生活卻極度貧乏，越來越多畸形的社會亂象，在這樣的環境之下，人們對上帝和真理都產生了質疑，混合著存在主義的思潮，知識份子產生一種危機和絕望感，這種情緒便反應在創作中，產生了「黑色幽默文學」。 馮內果正是黑色幽默派的重要代表作家之一。

Q: 他的新書介《沒有國家的人》說他是個老嬉皮，他的嬉皮扮相怎樣?
A: 從網路上搜到的相片看起來，他是美國中產階級LOOK(他與他的家人、朋友都是)，衣著頭髮也沒特別打扮，不是肉眼可以識別的視覺系嬉皮。年輕時代的他即使穿著軍裝，比起軍人或嬉皮，比較像在竹科上班的工程師。
一九六O和七O年代是美國的鉅變年代，民權運動、印第安人原住民運動、反越戰、性解放、吸食LSD和大麻、公社式的烏托邦、隨著青年反叛而開始氾濫的軍警暴力，嬉皮文化與當時的美國學運相互融合，學生反越戰、爭取黑人人權，大量的使用音樂、性、藥品、蓄長髮鬍鬚、學習瑜珈和尋求宗教性神祕體驗，他們鼓吹Peace and Love、他們反對威權、反對戰爭。

前美國《細節》雜誌的編輯約翰．利蘭(John Leland)出版的《嬉皮的歷史》， 內容講述了嬉皮這個曾經只存在於地下的概念，如何從性、音樂、種族、時尚和毒品多方面塑造了美國文化，嬉皮文化發展出一系列嬉皮生活用品，也創造了新的購物需求，成為當時一種消費文化現象(似乎也持續到今日)，他同時也指出嬉皮反映出美國人心中的美國夢。 民主政府與自由經濟是製造完美美國夢的原料，美國夢的神話裡，每個人都是平等的，每個人都是政府的主人，而且每個人都有發財和致富的權利和機會，馮內果在《囚犯》 一書裡探討了他對美國夢的看法。

文中夾帶一種崇拜智力(優生學)與追求名校(名牌)的意識形態，利益與權力的合作從高等教育開始，他們將自己與某些深具影響力的辭彙盡量融合(可以稱為一種上進心嗎？)，就像為了更接近某個信念(興建天堂或是追求自由、民主…)，或是希望以此得到生活保障(權勢、財富)，而這樣的美國夢卻禁不起勞工階層的挑戰，當工人運動披露獲利分配不均的問題，貧富差距、歧視貧窮、剝削、壟斷等各種問題，民主政府與自由經濟的謊言被工人一腳踢破，那麼美國夢是否還存在呢？

Q: 妳喜歡馮內果什麼?
A: 我超愛他的家庭觀與社會觀。他刺耳的笑聲和他的家庭，他整個人充滿參考價值，我從那滋生了許多自以為是的巧合、自以為命定的牽扯，我愛這些。直接一點的形容：就像貓嗅到貓草之後想做的那些。
南方朔更進一步指出那個時代的創作特性推崇口語傳播，在文學的表現形式上被人稱之為「三點派」－意即用三個標點符號之內寫完一個句子，作家認為口語形式才是更平等且有參與意義的傳播形式。使用口語寫作，和他們追尋平等、無歧視、公共參與、公社式友愛的生活等價值有著密切關連。

馮內果在《此心不移》提及自己1945年考上芝加哥大學人類學系，發現自然人類學挺無聊的，對考古學的內容又不感興趣，他的指導教授建議他加入文化人類學的研究領域，這些成員中的核心人物是當時芝加哥大學人類學系主任羅伯特．瑞德費爾德(Robert Redfild,1897-1958)。他也是馮內果一生當中最重要的啟蒙老師。

瑞德費爾德教授生前曾規劃一個他稱為「家族社會」(The Folk Society)獲譯做「民間會社」或「庶(俗)民社會」的美好遠景。他將這幅遠景刊載於《美國社會學期刊》(The American Journal of Sociology ，1947年，52卷293-308頁)。

「家族社會」和原始社會雖有不同，但也有很多類似之處，比方說：他們的規模都不大，所以成員間對彼此都非常熟悉，他們互相傳遞訊息的速度相當快，不過和外界的聯繫卻十分有限。

「家族社會」成員以口語傳播為溝通唯一途徑，除了記憶之外，他們沒有保留過去歷史經驗的方法，因此，藏有最多記憶的老人就成為社會之寶。世代更替，但他們的想法卻沒有多大改變。個人的信念和「族人」的信念並無二致。

瑞德費爾德教授說，在一個家庭社會中：…行為是個人的，而不是與個人無關的。所謂「個人」是指一個依自己意願做反應、做決定的社會實體，而個人的特質、價值觀念則是與生俱來的。在家族社會中，所有的人都被當作是一個個人來看待，而不是一個無關痛癢的東西。

馮內果的《鬧劇》同時也以瑞德費爾德教授的「家族社會」規劃做為故事的核心。故事主角威伯與他的雙胞胎姊姊伊莉莎，一起構想出如何把美國重新分成上千個人造家族烏托邦，他們排除掉以工作專業、商業利益、社會階級組成的公會等組織，他們認為這些「家族」把小孩、老人、家庭主婦等各種失意人(邊緣人)排除在外，而且他們關注的「家族大事」通常很「專門」，並不能成為一個理想家族的形態。

Q: 妳是馮內果的粉絲，馮內果又是誰的粉絲?
A: 法國作家 塞利納(Louis-Ferdinand Céline 1894-1961)。
馮內果在英譯本的序言中提出：「塞利納的小說事實上是許多脆弱的凡夫俗子見證兩次世界大戰西方文明崩解的歷史。」 馮內果更不止一次地表示，讀到塞利納的《茫茫黑夜漫遊》(Voyage au bout de la nuit) 「無論如何，這本書如果不是深入我心，也並定深入我骨。」 、「我的寫作生涯得力於塞利納的甚多」、 「我對他說的話感到吃驚並受到啟發，我心中充滿感謝。」 ，他寫作的《第五號屠宰場》也流露出一股向賽利納致意的味道，並指定《茫茫黑夜漫遊》為他任教愛荷華大學時寫作課的讀本。

賽利納被後人稱為文體家，歐洲文學中有一種特定的體裁－流浪漢體小說。 大陸學者陸鳴九讚譽亦此書是最傑出的一例，同時也讚賞它可算是文學最大的一次流浪、最長的一次漫遊，它構成了一次真正意義的二十世紀「奧德修紀」。

Q: 妳曾經跟他搭訕過嗎?
A: 我是準備這麼做的，我的論文以他為題去年通過口考順利畢業了，就差英文版蘑蘑菇菇還沒翻譯完，就差這一步，他的宇宙大幹艦飛了。
馮內果回特拉法馬鐸的消息人在美國的李佳穎比我先知道，她MSN一行離線連結給我，點開，心裡第一個念頭是：「我訂閱的GOOGLE快訊怎沒發通知給我？」著手檢查GOOGLE網頁，信箱、訂閱、設下的關鍵字搜尋，它們一概消失無蹤，這怎麼回事，哪裡出了問題？身為粉絲，我一直都很隱忍熱情與孝順的，對他與我父親之間巧合的聯想，認定那是天意不可切斷緣份，對1922年誕生的人以及退伍軍人格調著迷，對他的家庭工作星座婚姻等細節，他什麼事我都能產生參與感，厚顏無恥的對應我人生。

我氣忿得想丟掉Cable Modem。羅浥薇說：「妳等一下再丟，我先看看能不能GOOGLE到大幹艦的艦長，我們預約100年後的雙人座去搭訕他。」「不要好了，太刺激了我會對他很冷漠。」我讓出書桌座位挪到床上，抱頭屈腿躺得像顆蛋，為我連搭訕信都還沒寫好懊悔不已。

Goodbye My Love, Kurt Vonnegut.

I postponed this writing project for Shauba for a long time. I couldn’t said I gave her words immediately, but almost. I couldn’t refused her request, I knew I’ll do it for myself sooner or later without her inviting me. I was going to put my own heart to deal with it and I should start writing at once when he passes away; somehow I couldn’t continue it after the first letter. Even it’s the next day, nothing to be done; I was impatient and my fingers were ill while typing of it. All I can do was idling. I still wanted to finish on the seventh night of his death. (According to the Chinese tradition.) But it’s already forty-nine days passed, when I finally put on the last period.

Q: Who is Kurt Vonnegut?
A: He called himself is the only one who benefits by Bombing of Dresden in World War II. He earned 4 coins of royalty per dead person.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007), German-American Novelist. He was born in a family in Indianapolis and his father was an architect. He’s interested in art and literature, under his father’s insistence; he turned to study chemistry in Connell in 1940. He gave up his degree two years later and joined the army while WWII. He was a prisoner of German army in Europe in 1944. He was imprisoned in a freezing basement of a slaughter house in Dresden. Few months later, the allied forces air raided by bombing, Germans had a badly damage of lives. Kurt was save of hiding in the basement, he’s been through the bombing and the city was on fire. He’d witnessed a living hell in Dresden of 130,000 people died.

Q: What kind of fiction did he write?
A: Endless complaint plus a little bit autobiographical stuff. It’s a mixture of jest book and ridiculous fairy tales. They are non-model sci-fi fictions. Most characters are unlucky writers, Lutherismists, anti-Social Darwinismists or common people who’s bother themselves all the time.
After WWII he returned to The University of Chicago study Anthropology. He’d started his writing since 1947 and he became a professional. He transformed his experience during the war to a sci-fi fiction in Slaughterhouse-Five; it’s pathetic and ironic, and it shows the terror and the sham of civilization in 20th century. He’s called a sci-fi fictionist after he’d done Player Piano.

In that age, people were confused: why the progress of technology didn’t make them happier? The politics and economy were growing steady, but less in the spiritual lives. There’s more and more freaky social phenomenon. In such circumstances, people confused about both the TRUTH and GOD. Within existentialism, intellectuals had been raising sense of desperate and sense of crisis. This phenomenon were reflected on their works, it came to a new style so called “Black Humor”, Vonnegut became one of the famous.

Q: On his latest published book a Man without a Country, he was called an old hippie, how did he look like?
A: According to his photos from google, he dressed up like a common middle class of America (Also his friends and family.) He didn’t do something special with his make up and his hair. Even his in the army uniform, he’s rather looked like a engineer works for a technical company.

60’s to 70’s was a time changed the most in America. Civil rights movement, Indian movement, anti-Vietnam war, Sexual liberation, LSD, drugs, utopia for people, youth’s rebellion, over use of the army forces, hippies, Student movement and so on. Students were against the war, fought for the right for the blacks. At the same time, they’re having lots of music, sex and drugs, they saved their beard and hair, they looked for yoga and spiritual experiences. They encouraged peace and love, they were against the power, against the war.

John Leland, the former editor of Details Magazine, had published a book Hip: The History (1). The book contains the concept of hippie, an image only exists in few people, and how did they build up American culture form different aspects, such like music, races, fashion etc. The hippies had developed series products for their lives; they created different needs of shopping also. It became a new consuming culture (it seemed to last till today.) In this book, he pointed out what did American dream looked like, democracy and the freedom of economics was the mainly composition (2). In American dream, everyone was the same; everyone was the master of the government. Everyone had the opportunity to be rich. Vonnegut had a comment of it in his book Jailbird.
Jailbird showed an ideology of pursuing intelligence and famous brand, the collaboration of profit and power began with highly education. They put themselves with those key words (Is that a way to make progress?) It’s like a way to close to some faith (Building a heaven or desire for freedom and democracy.); or to some insurance of life (The power and the fortune.). This American dream couldn’t bare the challenge form the working class though, when the working class walked on the street and showed the problem of unfair paying, a poverty gap, exploiting and titrust. Freedom and democracy became a lie, exposed by the working class. Until then, did they still have the American dream?
(1) John Leland: HIP: THE HISTORY (2004)，Ecco.
(2) Washington Observer weekly, issue37, The Hippie History of America.

Q: What did you like about Vonnegut?
A: I love his viewpoint of family and viewpoint of society so much. I love his giggles and his family. He’s full of value to look up, so that I extended much self-righteous coincidence and self-righteous fate with him; those was what I love. To make more direct description: I love those things just like a cat addicted to its cat grass.

The critic Nan, Fun-Shiou stated further that the character on writing of that age was
In his book Wampeters, foma and granfalloons, Vonnegut mentioned his experience of university of Chicago in 1945. When he entered the department of anthropology, he didn’t get interested in Physical anthropology and archaeology. His instructor suggested him participate the field of studying cultural anthropology. The core of this filed was the chairman Robert Redfild(1897-1958), he’s also the most important mentor of Vonnegut.

Prof. Redfild was planned a dreamscape of people community, he called “The Folk Society”. He published this plan on The American Journal of Sociology. (Page293-page308, book52, 1947.)

Although The Folk Society was different from The Primitive Society, they have something in common. For example: they were in small-scale, each member knew well of the other. The messages flowed among them quickly, but they could barely reach out to the outside
.
The Folk Society communicate with only the colloquial language, except for their memories, they didn’t have any method to preserve their history. In that case, who lives longer became more valuable to the society. One generation after another, their thoughts didn’t change; the faith in person was the same as the faith in community. In Porf.Redfild’s point of view, of one family society,

Q: You are a fan of Vonnegut, and then he’s a fan of whom?
A: The French writer Louis-Ferdinand Céline (1894-1961)
In the foreword of an English edition, Vonnegut said that “Novels of Louis-Ferdinand Céline were the history proved those fragile people who witnessed the crush down of the western civilization.”(3) Vonnegut mentioned more than once, he read the book Voyage au bout de la nuit: “However, this book touched deep in my heart and even my bones.”, ”My writing career must thank to Céline”, “I was shocked and inspired by his words, I was so grateful.” He revealed his mind to Céline in his Slaughterhouse-Five.

Voyage au bout de la nuit was assigned as school book on his writing class in University of Iowa. Céline was a master of writing style. The picaresque was a specific writing style in European literature, the novel Voyage au bout de la nuit was praised by Chinese scholar Lou, Ming-Jiou as the greatest one. And he also said it could be the most extensive roam and it could be the longest journey of the literature. It made 20th century a real Time of Odysseus.

Q: Have you ever try to accost him?
A: I was going to do it. After my dissertation on him had passed the oral examination so I could graduate. All I need was to finish the English translation of it, and he’s gone with his mother ship.
The news of his returning to the planet Tralfamadore came from Lee, Chia-Ying, who lives now in America, she left an offline message of url to me. It came to me first while I clicked the url, “how could the google rss hadn’t send this news to me?”. I started checking this news from google page, gmail, my rss and keywords research, but none of them showed this news. What’s going on? What’s the problem? As a big fan, I’m always holding my passion and being obedient. The link between him and my father, I took it as an unbroken destiny. I was fascinated with who was born in 1922, the demobilized soldier’s style. With the details of his everything and I looked back into my life. I could impudently said that we were in common.

I was so angry and I was going to throw away my cable modem, Wei-Wei stopped me. “Hold on a second, see if I could find out who’s the captain of his mother ship, and we could reserve the 100 years-later lovers seat on the ship to accosting him.” she said. “I don’t it’s a good idea, it’s too exiting to me, I would afraid of talking to him.” I moved my ass from my desk to my bed, crouching myself like an egg. I was so sad that I even haven’t finishing my letter to accost him.

Surface Costumes is created in the form of a magazine.
Surface Costumes denotes passion, experiments, and the courage to dream.
Surface Costumes is a project that presents ideal and artistic concepts by means of graphic design to the public.
Surface Costumes: 札誌，況且任性地玩一場
Issue #1 summer edition
Multiple Scenery

一切始於我在上環的遊走及想像，化為文字、影像、或者可能在遠一點的以後成為你衣物上的某個微小細節。在步伐裡，英譯中、中譯英的街名裡；爬升的石階、預示著雨滴的空氣裡。找到。

Surface Costumes，從 Multiple Scenery 說起：

- the secret path of mine #1
街景與連續不停的圖像
- type walk
字，和過癮的new arrival新裝
- the secret path of mine #2
街景與拼湊的布塊
- fabric tales
花弄
- meander and murmurs
嘀咕與他以前抽過的煙
It begins with my meanderings in Sheung Wan (a historical district in Hong Kong). From then on, I have been trying to discover the inner beauty of this area – via words, or at a later stage, via visual languages. I looked for interesting elements from the environment. With the humanistic and artistic design approaches, the publication is exploring different dimensions to rethink whatever we are surrounded by and turn it into fashion concepts – it could be the falling leaves on the street corner, the fading colours of grandma’s shoes, or the steps that lead us to a peaceful, quite landscape. For the first issue, Surface Costumes summer edition presents Multiple Scenery.

- the secret path of mine #1
experiments on pattern design, inspired by the street scenes
- type walk
handwritten fonts and damaged shop signs demonstrate garments which used to wear by models
- the secret path of mine #2
the fusion of garments and street scenes which keeps Sin Sin’s notable characteristics of monochrome and unique constructions
- fabric tales
a laboratory to experiment on different materials and their possibilities
- meander and murmurs
my random thoughts, sheung wan, and everything I am surrounded by

‘’shadows其實即是人類情緒與潛意識的縮影　　
只有輪廓　　　無法表現情緒或流露個性
真實地存在於每秒的生活裡 卻也理所當然似的每天會被忘記’’

shadows就好像Charlie Chaplin(查理．卓別林 )一樣
揉合了悲劇與喜劇的角色

以shadows出發
試圖改變以人物為主角的方式
真實置入shadows於影片
探討shadows跟影片的關係
shadows與影片互動並產生新的意義與故事情節

Shadows is truly reflected people`s emotion and unconscious.

There`s no personality but just outline.
It just like the character of Charlie Chaplin.
It`s a contradiction between comedy and tragedy.
We can see the shadows everywhere but it`s absolutely to ignored every second.

I try to use shadows to chang the way of watching a story.
Put the shadows into the clip and try to talk about the relationship between shadows and the main clip.
Throughout the interaction between shadows and clip come out a new stort and ieads.

「哭是一個非常強大的行為，但是把它拍下來並且放在網路上流通完全是另外一回事了。它是一個共通的文化現象，或者說，是一種表演。」註一

今年三月初收到Jessica的email，說她開始了一個新的計畫，叫做“ 我難過到不知道該怎麼跟你說（繼 Bas Jan Ader 之後）“，邀請創作者拍下自己當時哭泣的照片發表，寄到信箱或者上傳到網路相簿，屆時一個月，並且將結集成冊印刷。

這個計畫名稱源自一個荷蘭藝術家Bas Jan Ader在1970年發表的同名作品“我難過到不知道怎麼該跟你說“，作品是一段十六釐米的黑白短片，影片中藝術家毫無保留地嚎啕大哭，沒有任何的解釋說明。自此觸發了Jessica後來三月開始著手的計畫：徵求任何人在哭泣當下的影像。在原本期限過後，計畫網站開啟時，竟已經收到超過一百個人的自拍照，並且有部份的創作者是因為Flickr擁有的標籤功能，因而得知這個計畫並將自己的照片加入。由於Flickr強大的群組功能，照片成為一種溝通的方式，在這個情況的互相撞擊下， 參與的人與作品不斷地擴張 ，“我難過“計畫有了另一個方向的發展，原本的期限也從三月底延至九月一日。

「哭」，對Jessica是一個特別的情緒，她認為它是自發性的，但也依表達方式或者作用的目的的不同而產生相對的衝突性，而它更是全球共通的語言。執行這個計畫的期間，曾有人寫信告訴她，這個照片計畫的網站毀了他的一天；也有人覺得這件事很蠢，但也有人覺得喜歡。對於Jesiica，每張照片都是獨一無二的，帶有創作者個人的情感與特色，每每收到一張作品總是能讓她驚艷。

從過往的計畫探看，我發現Jessica的作品都與「人」本身息息相關，人的基本情緒、日常言語、情感的索取與交涉等。她的上一個計畫“我可以借用你五分鐘嗎“，就是讓自己與人面對面交談。她說她對於人與人之間的溝通與連結有很大的興趣，尤其是互相交流──「我們給了彼此什麼？我們怎麼給？是不是有可能，我們真的可以完全將屬於自己的一部份給予他者。」註二

或許是她試探的目標如此單純，人與人之間，就像我和你，明明人心最是不可測的，我卻總是被她作品裡不經意中留滯的真誠所感動。除了繼續經營這個計畫，她依舊持續攝影與插畫的練習，並且準備新作品，預計將在今年十一月於西班牙的巴塞隆納發表個展“讓我們打造一個家“(Let’s Build A Home)。

註一：引自「我」計畫網站上的公開聲明
註二：頡自Jessica於flickr message給我的回覆

I’m too sad to tell you

“Crying is a powerful act; taking a photograph of oneself crying and
putting it on the Internet is another matter entirely. It is a very
specific cultural phenomenon and is in many ways much like a
performance. “

I got Jessica’s email at the beginning of this March. She said that
she started a project that’s called “I’m Too Sad To Tell You (after
Bas Jan Ader)”, a project that archives people’s self-portraits taken
while crying. An open call was posted on the Flickr community asking
people to submit their crying self-portraits over the period of one
month. These images were to be displayed online on Jessica’s website
and then later made into a book.


This project borrowed the idea from a piece of the same name made by
the Dutch performance artist Bas Jan Ader in 1970. The piece
consisted of a silent 16mm short black and white film of himself
crying uncontrollably with no explanation. It inspired Jessica for
her project : ask anyone to submit their self-portraits taken while
they were crying. After the deadline, she received over 100 self-
portraits, a third of which found out about the project through
flickr’s tag searching function. A majority of the people who
independently submitted images had Flickr accounts as well. With
flickr’s powerful community phenomenon, such photo sharing becomes
another format of communication. The “I’m Too Sad” website then
becomes an attempt to give the images back some of their integrity as
images by placing them in a clean non-communication based gallery
format. People response strongly about such idea. The collection kept
expanding and the original deadline has been extended to September
1st instead of March 31st.

Crying has always been interesting emotion to Jessica. It is
spontaneous but very confrontational depending on how it is shown or
used. It is also universally recognizable. During the period of
calling for submission, the website itself got mixed reactions– some
people loved it, some people thought it was silly, and one person
even wrote her that the website ruined his day (but in the best
possible way). For Jessica, each photo is different and that in and
of itself is amazing, each one is special in its own way.

Looking through Jessica’s past projects, I discovered that Jessica’s
work always has to do with “people” — people’s basic emotions,
conversations, connections and relationships. Her last project “Five
Minutes” was about interaction with others for 5 minutes. She said
that she has always been interested in communication and connections
between people. The idea of the exchange is especially fascinated to
her — “What do people give each other, and how? What does it mean
and is it possible to truly give part of yourself away to another? “

Maybe her intention were always this simple. Among people like you
and me, human beings are always hard to predict, but I’ve always felt
this great affection from her work through her unwitting sincerity.
Other than this project, she is going to continue working on
photographs and drawings while working on new stuff at the same time.
She is going to have her solo show “Let’s Build A Home” in Barcelona
in November.

給老k

先來說燈管好了。
住在女生宿舍裡的日子雖然非常無趣，但還是常常在書桌前發呆起來。
有一次，當寢室只剩下我一個人的時候，一波非常微弱的茲茲聲響伴隨著日光燈管光線的顏色細微變化著。原本的青白光會逐漸轉為青黃、黃褐、灰紫而然回到青白。電的變化反正在薄弱的的聲波，如果外頭的日常聲響再多一點就會被吃掉了吧。
極接近故事中的隱晦。
我用數位相機的錄影功能把那隨機發生變化的燈管拍下來。（真詭異，看見燈在閃滅時居然先想到了這些，還沒想到該要換支燈管了。）
因為沉默，所以知道你正在做的作品就是在重現（進而放大）那個下午發生的隱晦。在表演那天我的情緒除了還有辦展的緊張外，另外有種秘密被全世界知道了而且成長了許多。
沒想到之後在華山還有宇宙激光的現身！
我在宇宙激光掃射全場的時候，心中一直期盼著光線通過點燈器的時刻。茲茲。
燈管的茲茲被坦露在我們跟前了。隱晦的轉變，神秘感褪去。
我還是會偶爾懷念我當初遇見的日光燈管。
但是你的燈已經進化到茲茲之外了。



我剛剛在zabu睡著了，醒來之後我記得寫信所以寫了。

小8
20070521

給小8

我明白在我們生活中出現壞掉的日光燈是多麼的讓人興奮，
空間亮了又暗、暗了又亮，
他越是激烈 我就越放棄自己的接受他的催眠。

我也明白我將這種現象，刻意的呈現，就離開了在日常生活裡的狀態。

他已經離開一個日常、不該發生的場景
進入了一個什麼事情都可以發生的場景

他的不正常催眠也變成了表演
那他的日常樣貌消失去了哪裡

這樣理性、線性的思考 好像沒有了未來…. 


但是我覺得

俺有活力 俺有熱情 俺就是未來

To dear k,

I wanted to talk about the fluorescent lamp first.
It’s been very bored living in the school dorm though, I couldn’t help
idling in front of my desk.

Once a time, when I was alone in the dorm room, there’s a very weak
BZZZZ sound came with the color of the light which changed slightly.
The color changed began with blue in white and then yellow in blue,
then it turned to brown, dirty purple and finally became blue in
white. The variation in the BZZZZ responded to the electric current,
it altered insensibly that could be swallowed by the sound of our
daily life.
It’s so imperceptible, so close to an inner metaphor of a story.

I recorded this random process by my dc. (It’s wired that
these thoughts came into my mind first instead of thinking changed it
to a new tube.)

Because of the exhibition “Sounds Off”, I knew you’re
working on a new project, reconstructing (and even going further!) this
Inner metaphor happened that afternoon. The night you performed the
project, I feel the tension all the time. Not only I am the curator, 
but the whole world discovered and shared my little secret. The secret
seemed stronger.

And then the laser showed up from the outer space that out of my expectation!

The laser scanned the gallery room back and forth, I was excited,
waiting for the moment when it ran right through the starter. Light was on. It BZZZZ. The light BZZZZ.
BZZZZ of the fluorescent lamp appeared to us. It’s not a metaphor any
more. Nothing was really mysterious to me.
I missed the lamp occurred to me that afternoon sometimes.
Your lamp was more beyond the BZZZZ I think, I won’t forget it’s like
a surprise from outer space.

I was napping in Zabu, now I woke up and remember I promise to write a
letter to you(r project). so I did.

2007/5/21, shauba

To dear shauba,

I understand how exciting it could be when we founded the fluorescent lamp out of function.
It lights the space on and off.
When this situation went more crazy, I gave up myself more to accept it and let it hypnotize me.

And I do understand if I turned this situation to a project, presenting it on propose. It won’t be the state as we experienced in the daily life.

My lamp came out from the daily scene that it was not supposed to happen.
It came to a art scene that it could happen anything.

When its abnormal hypnogenesis became part of the performance,
where goes its other parts?

I couldn’t tell if this concept can go on.

But I thought I am full of energy and passion that it’s enough for me to build a future.

關於9月2號那天, 他的房間是緊閉著的, 直到煙霧透出門縫, 他的室友終於發現再不開門通風,在房間裡的他也許會因此被自己的二手煙嗆死, 但對他本人而言,嗆死雖然是個讓人發笑的死因,但就9月2號當天的他而言,不如死去是他最想要的結果,可以用最快速的方式失去知覺,這個方式又有何不可呢?

又根據他的回想,躺在床上的24小時之間, 他腦中的思緒從沒停過, 回憶的片段像是機場提行李的迴圈,行李不間斷地從貨口噴出,毫無章法可言,沒人領取的行李,只顧著堆積,而迴圈竟然也會自己擴張,即使眼睛緊閉,自行對大腦下達STOP的指令也都無效,於是他需要靠著抽煙的動作來緩慢迴圈的速度,不然他真的就快發瘋了…..

如果要再仔細去研究情緒的狀態,其實可以說是墜落的感覺吧!沙發變成了沙漏,身體化成細碎的沙粒往下墜落,但墜落的地點可就不是一般沙漏的底部了,墜落的方向是正下方沒錯,但卻是深不見底的黑洞,墜落的速度之外,像是遊樂園的自由落體的速度吧,心臟是處於無法負荷的變形,卻沒法阻止下墜的衝勁, 深深墜入著….眼前看見的是巨大的黑,無求救的姿態去接受黑洞裡的孤寂,
黑洞裡聲音都被抽得一乾二淨地,閉上眼睛,就會以2倍加速度落下,好像再也沒有人可以了解你了,再也沒有人可以分享你心理唯一可以說話的那一塊,好像再也沒有人了,對於這方面的絕望,是最難以承受的了…

現在去想像2006年9月2號的事,他開始有點記憶不完全了, 這也許是逃避過頭的結果,所以的回憶掩埋在厚厚的灰塵之下,人類太善於保護自己了..

不知道為什麼,這時候我突然想起沙漠中的駱駝

Where shall I start?
Smoking? Breathing? Or the scent of sleep?
Every detail in my days, I memorize them clearly. For example: on the day September 2nd 2006, he smoked 236 cigarettes in one day and became his top record of smoking. He broke up with his girl, so he couldn’t sleep at night. His mind was taken by those memories from the past. And he lied on bed, keeping smoking, one cigarette after another. His consumed total 236 cigarettes in 24 hours. That was: he finished one cigarette in every 6 minutes, there’s no time to a break.

If I was right, his room contained a spring bed, a huge ashtray, a bookshelf as large as the wall and a bottle of water doesn’t have much inside. The wooden floor was new, which he only insisted. He liked to step on the wood, the grains of the floor is kind of a protection to him.

On September 2nd, his room was sealed. Until the smoke came through a crack between a door and its frame, his friend found out he would die if he didn’t open the door. To himself, although it’s ridiculous one died of his own secondhand smoke. It is an ending he wanted, on the day September 2nd.

According to his memory, he couldn’t stop recalling in the whole 24 hours. Those fragments of his memories were the luggage conveyer in the airport. The Luggage kept coming out from the exit …no one took the luggage, them remained on the conveyer and more luggage came out…soon there would be a mountain. Unexpectedly, the loop of the conveyer would extend itself automatically. He closed his eyes, and he try to send a STOP sign but it didn’t work. He needed to rely on smoking to reduce the speed of the spread of the conveyer, or he would freak out.

If we took one more step to study the state of his mind, it could be described as a feeling of falling. The sofa became a sandglass; the body became the sand inside, falling. The destination wasn’t the bottom of the sandglass, although he’s falling down, he’s falling into an endless black hole. Like playing free fall in amusement park, his heart was out of shape that he could barely take. He couldn’t stop himself from falling, all he could see was grant darkness. He was so helpless to bare the loneliness in the dark. You couldn’t hear a sound in the dark. You closed your eyes then you would fall by the speed two times from now. No one could understand your mind anymore; no one could share the only part that speaks for yourself, not anymore. It is the hardest thing to walk through; it is the most desperate thing.
Now he tried to imagine the day September 2nd 2006, he began to lose his memory, little by little. It could be the result of he escaped from it for too long. All the past was buried under the heavy dust. People were good at protecting themselves.

Until now, I couldn’t figure it out why I thought of a camel crossing the desert.